Well, I've graduated (that happened on May 25) and tomorrow I'm gonna do class registration for community college.
Nothing else really eventful has happened recently, except one of my sisters (Caroline) got a kitten named Hazel Anne and today I hung out with Hailey at an ice cream place which was pretty awesome. :)
So if you're reading this post, thank you for being one of the few people who still reads this journal.
My new grade resolution for senior year was to go on LiveJournal more and I did. I've been over at ohnotheydidnt as well as 2 One Direction communities on here posting comments like crazy.
Anyway, the point of this post is that I am still here. I'm just not posting as much anymore. I think I'm going to become one of those journals that uses LJ mostly for communities.
So yes, this account is still active. I'm still alive. I just use this for communities more now. :)
And hey, this could change. Maybe even tomorrow I'll start posting like crazy on here like I did 8th - 9th grade again, who knows? but this entry is just to let you know that yes, I am still here. I just am not using LJ for journal entries much anymore.
Thank you. <3
I should’ve never watched The X Factor. It’s only proven more for me that I should just give up on my dreams.
The things they’ve said you need: the perfect confidence in yourself and your art, the perfect look, the perfect talent.
I’ve had confidence, but ever since 8th grade, it’s been slowly fading away. Now I realize I don’t have the kind of confidence a job like professional singing needs.
Tonight I performed at open mic during capernaum. I was so nervous and didn’t have a lot of confidence. That’s when I realized that it’s not getting better.
But the thing about confidence is that you can’t force yourself to have it. I’ve tried and I’ve tried to gain back confidence but I just… can’t do it. And that’s not a good thing for professional singing.
I won’t compare myself to others because I’ve learned not to anymore thanks to a few people, but I just know that I don’t have the perfect talent.
And then there’s my back-up plan of writing. I don’t wanna self-publish, and recently, this guest speaker came in to Creative Writing class. She’s in her 40s and just now finally getting something actually published. Also, there’s the fact that ever since sophomore year I’ve had terrible writer’s block.
Singing and writing have been the only 2 things I enjoyed doing. And in my mind, I can’t just do a job for even a second if something I don’t enjoy. But if I don’t have the confidence to do either of those things, then I’m helpless.
I guess it’s finally come down to the fact that I’m not gonna be able to do anything with my life. I’m helpless, I’m hopeless, there’s nothing I can do.
So sick of all these spam accounts on here (and not the good Spencer/Sam kind either).
I finally gave in and listened to "Kiss You". I'm trying not to listen to the rest of the album but it's so difficult with all the Directioners on my Tumblr dashboard crying over how great it is. They better not let me down when I finally have money to buy it.
Speaking of One Direction... They're gonna be performing on the X Factor US! Yay! :D So now Demi, Britney, and 1D are all gonna be in the same room. I think I might just die.
Also, I haven't really started on my NaNoWriMo novel yet. I've got the prologue, but that's it. Now that I've got most of my homework done though, I should be able to get it started.
Last night was Homecoming which was GREAT. Barely any seniors went but I was happy about the few that did. I don't really remember much of what happened other than the fact that Will's dance moves were amazing... and that we've gotten more dating rumors spread about us (oh goody).
Oh, and I requested One Direction music and the SECOND the beat dropped for What Makes You Beautiful EVERYBODY was screaming. Oh man. Caroline and I acted out the parody together (and we also smiled at the ground pretty violently. Hahha). As soon as it was time for the "girl who was paid to be here" line, I brought Caroline's friend Sheng towards us. It was great. Hahaha.
On Friday, Lex and I "accidentally" ended up in the Freshman section during the pep rally. She and her... girlfriend? (I don't know what to call them since she told me they were just friends but...) Ashley were doing some SERIOUS PDA. I mean, Ashley sat on top of Lex and Lex made some very suggestive comments to her, including saying she was going to unzip her pants/undo her shirt.
Nothing really happened today other than the fact that my 4th favorite Tumblr blog (dragdirection) did my request. Lex had been talking about "nun direction" so of course I had to request that to happen... and they actually made it!
Hahaha. If you have a tumblr and you're not following dragdirection already, you should. ;)
Well, yesterday was a pretty good day to make up for the terribleness of the night before.
During Academic Lab me and Lex didn't have anything to work on so we were just goofing off and she's started calling me Andy again (if you don't remember that - last year she started calling me "Andy" and saying I was a gay man). Actually, she's switching between calling me "Andy" and "butthole face man".
She dedicated 2 WMYB parodies to me. "You don't know you're full of -s word-. That's what makes you full of -s word-." (She kept singing this one over and over again throughout class and eventually it got stuck in my head - I wonder how many other people heard it.) and "You don't you're butthole face man. That's what makes you butthole face man."
During lunch, some person was talking to my friends Dante and Alex about how they would react if this person walked up to them and noticed this person's ex-boyfriend and his new "boo" were hanging out behind them so she randomly started kissing them. Alex said he would probably just start laughing.
Suddenly I grabbed Faith's face and kissed her cheek. She started laughing so hard and saying "Weirdness". After she was done laughing hysterically, someone else walked up and sat next to Faith.
I told Faith "you should NEVER do one of those kissing booths for charity things because you'd be terrible at it."
So the person who had just sat down got up and said "Okay... I'm walking away now because this is getting weird..."
I think we just convinced someone we kissed.
A few minutes later, I got up and went back inside because it was starting to rain (or as the person who was talking to Dante and Alex put it "God spitting on me").
As I walked inside, Savi was there. We hugged and said our final goodbyes. I'm gonna miss her terribly but I'm SO glad I got to her yesterday.
Glee is doing The Scientist.
Glee is doing THE SCIENTIST.
I can't handle this. I'm already getting flashbacks and the episode hasn't even shown yet.
Do you understand? The Scientist was one of the songs The Gerbil Conspiracy sang at most of their concerts.
I can't handle hearing this song. I can't.
I'm sorry. Other things did happen today but I can't talk about them right now because this is all I can think about...
Happy (late?) birthday totallygay81
I didn't get into the female a cappella group I auditioned for on Friday. Ms. Wilson said it was because there were too many people who auditioned. Well, if I wasn't able to make it into the few because there were too many there, how the heck am I supposed to make it into the talent show where even MORE people are gonna be auditioning? *sigh* I've practiced this song too much to just give up now though I guess. I've gotta at least try.
Yesterday during *afterschool* choir (choir not attached to the school) it was break time and someone way younger than me walked up to me and said "Your headphones are really big" then pointed to my CD player and asked "what's that?"
"Umm... it's a CD player. You put CDs in it and you... play them..."
Then they responded with "I don't see those in stores anymore."
Wow. I feel kind of old now. My friend Irene was right next to me having the same reaction.
Savi got her phone taken away, so that's why she wasn't able to practice with me. Only 2 days until my talent show audition. I'm super nervous, but I'm gonna try not to let it get to me.
Today during choir she was talking about her mom calling/paying One Direction to perform at her birthday party. Wow.
Nothing else really happened today. I sold ads for creative writing and that's about it.
I stayed up the latest I have in a while last night. I stayed up until 3:50something on tinychat with 3 other people watching funny YouTube videos. The only thing that made me finally go to sleep was thinking about how my mom sometimes wakes up at 4AM to go to the gym.
Today me and Faith went to get frozen yogurt together. My parents were supposed to take us, but they were busy with groceries so my aunt took us instead. It was great. I love hanging out with Faith.
I don't know what I'm gonna bring for reading day during Creative Writing tomorrow since I finished Boy Meets Boy. I wanna start re-reading Uglies but Mr. Spring said we can't read anything we haven't already... I guess I'll figure it out.
- Tags:12th grade
- Music:One Direction - Everything About You
Well, I'm kind of sad because a few of my favorite blogs are in a fight with each other and several deleted. :/
Savi wouldn't answer her phone so we couldn't practice for the talent show together. Oh well.
I've been trying to avoid talking about this on here b/c I'm trying to just ignore it, but I can't anymore.
This school year, there's been so much disrespect around me (not directed at me) about many things.
In choir especially. There's been so much transphobia, racism, and homophobia just in one class.
Person 1: What's her name?
Person 2: Shaniqua or some other black name.
Person 2: I supported gays, I just didn't like the MARRIAGGGE. But then I watched Glee and now I like the MARRIAGGEEE.
Person 1: *sings Make A Man Out Of You from Mulan*
Person 3: I don't think that's possible. *laughs*
Person 4: How are you gonna do that? Give her a bunch of estrogen?
I can think of other examples, but I don't really wanna bring them up because just looking at these examples are making me wanna cry.
I don't think I can take this much longer. There's so much hatred in the school this year. There probably was last year and I just didn't notice it, but this year it's probably tripled.
If someone was trying to give me a reason to be excited to get out of here, they *almost* got it. :/
As most of you probably know, my username on Twitter is LindsayLoFAN. Now, lately, Lindsay has been replying to fans, so of COURSE I had to see if she would reply to me. I replied to her like crazy today and yesterday and then today this happened...
I gotta say, these past 3 months have been AMAZING to me. First, Ryan Russell follows me on his @barentickboom account and recommends my Twitter to 3 people...
Then Travis Flores follows me, compliments my Twitter icon, and compliments my Twitter name. (No image available currently)
Then Ryan Russell follows me on his @nayrruss account and recommends my Twitter to 2 people (and I'm pretty sure I'm the only person he's following on both accounts)...
Then Jason Michael Miller follows me and says he didn't realize he wasn't following me before...
AND NOW, LINDSAY LOHAN REPLIED TO LINDSAYLOFAN (ME).
Well, Hailey's first day of school was today and we HAVE GRAPHICS TOGETHER! YAY! :D
Zayn deleted his Twitter. :/ I'm very upset about that, but I hope now that he's away from the hate he got he'll be happier.
Today, Virginia gave me 3 magazine clippings (2 Britney Spears and 1 Neil Patrick Harris 'Old Spice' ad) and a signed Gerbil Conspiracy poster. :'D
Also, I bought a One Direction notebook for Creative Writing. Yay! :)