This is officially the writing/icon Journal for a_wa: http://queenofsharly.livejournal.com/
All older stories and icons are found here:http://community.livejournal.com/luvontheleftsid/profile
It was originally supposed to be luvontheleftsidE but there was a name cut-off.
If you are my friends, I'll most likely automatically accept you. Unless you have 0, 1, 2, 3 entries, 0 userpics, etc.
I’m tired of crying my eyes out,
Of feeling like I’ve upset someone
By just being myself:
My eyes, as well as confidence in my personality,
Have run dry
But I’m sure they will still find some way to cry.
For years, my biggest weapon has been stabbing the pencil against the paper,
Easing the pain with words on lined sheets
But I am tired of reading my own tears,
Feeling like nobody cares enough to listen to them.
Then I stop.
I remember that people do love me and care about me
My ears must be broken though
Because tonight I can’t hear anyone caring.
Or at least, I only hear about 2 people who really care
And I am grateful for those 2 people,
But I still feel it’s not enough
It’s not enough for me to feel like it would really make much of a difference
If I was erased from existence.
Please, miss fairy godmother,
If you are out there somewhere,
I’m in need of a wish, and I’m not sure there’s any other
Person I can talk to, but you, who will be able to get me out of here.
My wish is that you will change me
Somehow, make me be well-liked by everyone I love.
I don’t have any mice, pumpkins, or trees,
But I hope that my tears will go above
The call of duty for this.
So please change me,
That is my wish.
I want you to make me be
Confident in every aspect of myself,
Someone people will talk to, instead of putting on a shelf.
Nice to people, with no hint of insulting
Because I’m trying my best on my own
But it doesn’t seem to be working.
Please make me be someone worth wanting a friendship with,
Or at least someone who will stop caring
What other people think of my personality, because it’s
Getting exhausting being like this.
Well, I've graduated (that happened on May 25) and tomorrow I'm gonna do class registration for community college.
Nothing else really eventful has happened recently, except one of my sisters (Caroline) got a kitten named Hazel Anne and today I hung out with Hailey at an ice cream place which was pretty awesome. :)
So if you're reading this post, thank you for being one of the few people who still reads this journal.
My new grade resolution for senior year was to go on LiveJournal more and I did. I've been over at ohnotheydidnt as well as 2 One Direction communities on here posting comments like crazy.
Anyway, the point of this post is that I am still here. I'm just not posting as much anymore. I think I'm going to become one of those journals that uses LJ mostly for communities.
So yes, this account is still active. I'm still alive. I just use this for communities more now. :)
And hey, this could change. Maybe even tomorrow I'll start posting like crazy on here like I did 8th - 9th grade again, who knows? but this entry is just to let you know that yes, I am still here. I just am not using LJ for journal entries much anymore.
Thank you. <3
I should’ve never watched The X Factor. It’s only proven more for me that I should just give up on my dreams.
The things they’ve said you need: the perfect confidence in yourself and your art, the perfect look, the perfect talent.
I’ve had confidence, but ever since 8th grade, it’s been slowly fading away. Now I realize I don’t have the kind of confidence a job like professional singing needs.
Tonight I performed at open mic during capernaum. I was so nervous and didn’t have a lot of confidence. That’s when I realized that it’s not getting better.
But the thing about confidence is that you can’t force yourself to have it. I’ve tried and I’ve tried to gain back confidence but I just… can’t do it. And that’s not a good thing for professional singing.
I won’t compare myself to others because I’ve learned not to anymore thanks to a few people, but I just know that I don’t have the perfect talent.
And then there’s my back-up plan of writing. I don’t wanna self-publish, and recently, this guest speaker came in to Creative Writing class. She’s in her 40s and just now finally getting something actually published. Also, there’s the fact that ever since sophomore year I’ve had terrible writer’s block.
Singing and writing have been the only 2 things I enjoyed doing. And in my mind, I can’t just do a job for even a second if something I don’t enjoy. But if I don’t have the confidence to do either of those things, then I’m helpless.
I guess it’s finally come down to the fact that I’m not gonna be able to do anything with my life. I’m helpless, I’m hopeless, there’s nothing I can do.
So sick of all these spam accounts on here (and not the good Spencer/Sam kind either).
I finally gave in and listened to "Kiss You". I'm trying not to listen to the rest of the album but it's so difficult with all the Directioners on my Tumblr dashboard crying over how great it is. They better not let me down when I finally have money to buy it.
Speaking of One Direction... They're gonna be performing on the X Factor US! Yay! :D So now Demi, Britney, and 1D are all gonna be in the same room. I think I might just die.
Also, I haven't really started on my NaNoWriMo novel yet. I've got the prologue, but that's it. Now that I've got most of my homework done though, I should be able to get it started.
Last night was Homecoming which was GREAT. Barely any seniors went but I was happy about the few that did. I don't really remember much of what happened other than the fact that Will's dance moves were amazing... and that we've gotten more dating rumors spread about us (oh goody).
Oh, and I requested One Direction music and the SECOND the beat dropped for What Makes You Beautiful EVERYBODY was screaming. Oh man. Caroline and I acted out the parody together (and we also smiled at the ground pretty violently. Hahha). As soon as it was time for the "girl who was paid to be here" line, I brought Caroline's friend Sheng towards us. It was great. Hahaha.
On Friday, Lex and I "accidentally" ended up in the Freshman section during the pep rally. She and her... girlfriend? (I don't know what to call them since she told me they were just friends but...) Ashley were doing some SERIOUS PDA. I mean, Ashley sat on top of Lex and Lex made some very suggestive comments to her, including saying she was going to unzip her pants/undo her shirt.
Nothing really happened today other than the fact that my 4th favorite Tumblr blog (dragdirection) did my request. Lex had been talking about "nun direction" so of course I had to request that to happen... and they actually made it!
Hahaha. If you have a tumblr and you're not following dragdirection already, you should. ;)
Well, yesterday was a pretty good day to make up for the terribleness of the night before.
During Academic Lab me and Lex didn't have anything to work on so we were just goofing off and she's started calling me Andy again (if you don't remember that - last year she started calling me "Andy" and saying I was a gay man). Actually, she's switching between calling me "Andy" and "butthole face man".
She dedicated 2 WMYB parodies to me. "You don't know you're full of -s word-. That's what makes you full of -s word-." (She kept singing this one over and over again throughout class and eventually it got stuck in my head - I wonder how many other people heard it.) and "You don't you're butthole face man. That's what makes you butthole face man."
During lunch, some person was talking to my friends Dante and Alex about how they would react if this person walked up to them and noticed this person's ex-boyfriend and his new "boo" were hanging out behind them so she randomly started kissing them. Alex said he would probably just start laughing.
Suddenly I grabbed Faith's face and kissed her cheek. She started laughing so hard and saying "Weirdness". After she was done laughing hysterically, someone else walked up and sat next to Faith.
I told Faith "you should NEVER do one of those kissing booths for charity things because you'd be terrible at it."
So the person who had just sat down got up and said "Okay... I'm walking away now because this is getting weird..."
I think we just convinced someone we kissed.
A few minutes later, I got up and went back inside because it was starting to rain (or as the person who was talking to Dante and Alex put it "God spitting on me").
As I walked inside, Savi was there. We hugged and said our final goodbyes. I'm gonna miss her terribly but I'm SO glad I got to her yesterday.
Glee is doing The Scientist.
Glee is doing THE SCIENTIST.
I can't handle this. I'm already getting flashbacks and the episode hasn't even shown yet.
Do you understand? The Scientist was one of the songs The Gerbil Conspiracy sang at most of their concerts.
I can't handle hearing this song. I can't.
I'm sorry. Other things did happen today but I can't talk about them right now because this is all I can think about...