Almost all my personal entries on this blog are going to be friend's locked.
If you want to be added, comment or PM me. :)
I don't really care if we have much in common, but I'm curious as to how you found my blog if it wasn't through some common interest.
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This is officially the writing/icon Journal for a_wa: http://queenofsharly.livejournal.com/
All older stories and icons are found here:http://community.livejournal.com/luvontheleftsid/profile
It was originally supposed to be luvontheleftsidE but there was a name cut-off.
If you are my friends, I'll most likely automatically accept you. Unless you have 0, 1, 2, 3 entries, 0 userpics, etc.
It's been approx. a month and a half since Zayn left One Direction and I'm still so sad about it. Everyone else has moved on to either the OT4 or solo-Zayn, but I'm still stuck here sad. I'm trying to remove myself from the fandom, but it's so hard??? because this is all I've known for almost 3 years. This is my life. As weird as that may sound to some people, it's the truth.
But anyway, rather than trying to put it into words in this way, I'll instead show you all the poems I've written since then, because they explain how I feel better.( Zayn (March 26, 2015/the day after)Collapse )( Not That Big Of A Deal (March 27, 2015)Collapse )( Empty Space (March 29, 2015)Collapse )( Blunt About It (April 20, 2015)Collapse )( Too Close To The Sun (May 15, 2015)Collapse )
So I haven't really posted any of my fanfics on here in a long time and I know real person fanfiction is an uncomfortable thing for some people but I just feel like I have to post this fic here because it's definitely one of my best writings to date.
Title: Kiss me where I lay down
Fandom: One Direction
Summary: Zayn is a patient at the coma hospital Louis works at. He’s been in a coma for a few years now, and there’s controversy over pulling the plug. Louis doesn’t want that to happen, but after a while, what choice do you have?( Kiss me where I lay downCollapse )
Soooo, on the 11th I got to experience one of the best days of my life. I GOT TO SEE ONE DIRECTION. This year I've experienced both of my dream concerts. First meeting Fifth Harmony + watching them and Demi Lovato live, then watching One Direction live. The only way it could've been better would've been if I had met 1D (but they took away the M&Gs and I was broke anyway so whatever).( My 1D concert experienceCollapse )
So 2014 is just an amazing year so far. :) I got to meet my favorite girlband Fifth Harmony, and recently, I also got to meet one of my favorite activists/authors, Janet Mock! :D
I don't have as big a story for this one though. My sister and I got to watch her speak for an hour, and answer questions from the audience, and then she got off the stage and ready for the book signing. I took my copy of her book and walked into the line. We (me and Caroline) were some of the first people in line, so it wasn't a big wait like with Fifth Harmony. When it was our turn, she said I had a "nice shirt" and laughed (I was wearing a 1D T-shirt). She and Caroline talked for a few moments as well after she signed my book, and then we both got next to her for a picture. It was nice. I love her. :D( Pics below the cutCollapse )
SO I just realized that I hadn't told you all about the best day ever (2/23/14) aka the day I met Fifth Harmony and saw Demi Lovato perform.
I'm gonna copy and paste the posts I made on tumblr because honestly I'm too lazy to make all new ones. Hahaha (probably wouldn't remember certain details at this point). But I wanted to document this amazing event in as many places as possible, so here we go. :)( Meeting Fifth HarmonyCollapse )( The concertCollapse )
All in all, this was the best concert ever I think. In the past I’ve always had it so the most recent concert ends up being better than the previous ones, but with this one, I think it’s probably gonna be hard for future concerts to beat it. MAYBE One Direction could pull it off. MAYBE. ;) But that’s still kind of doubtful I think.
Because with other concerts, I haven’t felt the same STRONG LOVE for the opening act(s) AND the main event. With Britney in 2011, I LIKED Nicki Minaj, but I didn’t have the STRONG LOVE for her I have for Fifth Harmony. It’s just such an amazing feeling seeing two acts you have strong love for (Demi, 5H) in the same concert and GETTING TO MEET ONE OF THEM.
I wish I could live in 2/23/14 forever. <3
I’m tired of crying my eyes out,
Of feeling like I’ve upset someone
By just being myself:
My eyes, as well as confidence in my personality,
Have run dry
But I’m sure they will still find some way to cry.
For years, my biggest weapon has been stabbing the pencil against the paper,
Easing the pain with words on lined sheets
But I am tired of reading my own tears,
Feeling like nobody cares enough to listen to them.
Then I stop.
I remember that people do love me and care about me
My ears must be broken though
Because tonight I can’t hear anyone caring.
Or at least, I only hear about 2 people who really care
And I am grateful for those 2 people,
But I still feel it’s not enough
It’s not enough for me to feel like it would really make much of a difference
If I was erased from existence.
Please, miss fairy godmother,
If you are out there somewhere,
I’m in need of a wish, and I’m not sure there’s any other
Person I can talk to, but you, who will be able to get me out of here.
My wish is that you will change me
Somehow, make me be well-liked by everyone I love.
I don’t have any mice, pumpkins, or trees,
But I hope that my tears will go above
The call of duty for this.
So please change me,
That is my wish.
I want you to make me be
Confident in every aspect of myself,
Someone people will talk to, instead of putting on a shelf.
Nice to people, with no hint of insulting
Because I’m trying my best on my own
But it doesn’t seem to be working.
Please make me be someone worth wanting a friendship with,
Or at least someone who will stop caring
What other people think of my personality, because it’s
Getting exhausting being like this.
Well, I've graduated (that happened on May 25) and tomorrow I'm gonna do class registration for community college.
Nothing else really eventful has happened recently, except one of my sisters (Caroline) got a kitten named Hazel Anne and today I hung out with Hailey at an ice cream place which was pretty awesome. :)
So if you're reading this post, thank you for being one of the few people who still reads this journal.
My new grade resolution for senior year was to go on LiveJournal more and I did. I've been over at ohnotheydidnt as well as 2 One Direction communities on here posting comments like crazy.
Anyway, the point of this post is that I am still here. I'm just not posting as much anymore. I think I'm going to become one of those journals that uses LJ mostly for communities.
So yes, this account is still active. I'm still alive. I just use this for communities more now. :)
And hey, this could change. Maybe even tomorrow I'll start posting like crazy on here like I did 8th - 9th grade again, who knows? but this entry is just to let you know that yes, I am still here. I just am not using LJ for journal entries much anymore.
Thank you. <3
I should’ve never watched The X Factor. It’s only proven more for me that I should just give up on my dreams.
The things they’ve said you need: the perfect confidence in yourself and your art, the perfect look, the perfect talent.
I’ve had confidence, but ever since 8th grade, it’s been slowly fading away. Now I realize I don’t have the kind of confidence a job like professional singing needs.
Tonight I performed at open mic during capernaum. I was so nervous and didn’t have a lot of confidence. That’s when I realized that it’s not getting better.
But the thing about confidence is that you can’t force yourself to have it. I’ve tried and I’ve tried to gain back confidence but I just… can’t do it. And that’s not a good thing for professional singing.
I won’t compare myself to others because I’ve learned not to anymore thanks to a few people, but I just know that I don’t have the perfect talent.
And then there’s my back-up plan of writing. I don’t wanna self-publish, and recently, this guest speaker came in to Creative Writing class. She’s in her 40s and just now finally getting something actually published. Also, there’s the fact that ever since sophomore year I’ve had terrible writer’s block.
Singing and writing have been the only 2 things I enjoyed doing. And in my mind, I can’t just do a job for even a second if something I don’t enjoy. But if I don’t have the confidence to do either of those things, then I’m helpless.
I guess it’s finally come down to the fact that I’m not gonna be able to do anything with my life. I’m helpless, I’m hopeless, there’s nothing I can do.